Several years
ago Lloyd Rediger wrote a book titled Clergy
Killers. It spoke so clearly to an issue that is facing church leaders
around the world. Since that time many people have been greatly concerned about
the phenomena of “clergy killers”, a small group of lay persons literally
destroying the life of a pastor. Most pastors have experienced some type of
unjustified attack or bullying in the church. Some have been successful in
spite of the harassment and stayed in the ministry but, sadly, many have left
because of the problem.
Many of us feel that it is time that the church took a stand and begin to work to develop healthy strategies for these kinds of tragic occurrences in many churches. It’s important that we develop training for clergy and their families to prepare them to deal with conflict. We need to encourage the church to no longer allow this meanness that hurts and destroys. This is not the way Jesus’ church should be run.
Many of us feel that it is time that the church took a stand and begin to work to develop healthy strategies for these kinds of tragic occurrences in many churches. It’s important that we develop training for clergy and their families to prepare them to deal with conflict. We need to encourage the church to no longer allow this meanness that hurts and destroys. This is not the way Jesus’ church should be run.
On October
2-4, 2012, Leadership Nexus will
sponsor Developing
Healthy Clergy and Congregations Conference to deal with this topic. This conference will seek to offer solutions for dealing with church conflict and restoring church unity, vitality
and overall church health.
This conference is being presented in conjunction with US Films and the Stressed Clergy Association,
a group that seeks to help clergy who have been affected by church conflict.
US Films will be
sharing with us portions from their new film, Betrayed: The Clergy Killer’s DNA
. Betrayed is a shocking documentary that clarifies the issue of clergy abuse and reveals
that it affects all faiths and denominations, including the Catholic Church,
the Jewish faith, and other religious groups around the world. (Copies of the film are now
available, to purchase for only $19.95, through US Films.)
The
conference will include teaching by many of the church leaders featured in the
movie, including Dr. James Forbes,
Minister Emeritus, Riverside Church, New York City; Dr.
Lloyd Rediger
who will speak about his book, "Clergy
Killers" and more.
Plus, specialists in the mental health field with expertise in conflict
resolution will be speaking and leading workshops.
I encourage
you to join us for this life-changing event.
Let’s begin a dialogue about the issue. Let us know your comments,
experiences, opinions. Together, united in Christ, we can find a resolution for
this problem. Register
today!
Where is the conference? Is it online?
ReplyDeleteThere was no help for us in the late eighties and early nineties when this happened to us. Leaving the pastoral ministry was devastating to me but a blessing to my family. The District Superintendent and the Bishop had the attitude that if they are complaining about you, then you must have something wrong with you. No matter what you said or did to address the matter, inability to control the alligators in the congregation was a moral failure on your part. They said the craziest things about me that have ever been said...and they were believed at face value. While I retain my orders, it has been much, much harder to retain my faith. God has not abandoned me, but the Church did.
ReplyDeleteIt took me more than a decade to feel like I belonged in a congregation again.
I have worked in the same job in a local government entity for 20 years now, and even with all of the negativity that is often flashed at those who work for the government..I have NEVER been treated better or more fairly. Is it what I WANTED to do with my life? No. Do I feel like I have accomplished anything with my life? No. In many ways I feel like all the money and time and sweat and effort that I spent in the prime of my life...the best years of my life...was wasted and I have spent the last 20 years trying to recover from it.
Thankfully, my children managed to have a fantastic education in one school district where they were able to develop life-long friends and feel like they had a place they belonged. That was the best thing that came out of this.
Yet here I am at 60 and I have good friends in the church I go to, but I don't feel like I belong there or anywhere. I don't feel like I have a home.
This kind of a program came too late for me. I hope it helps others to avoid the hell I went through.
Hopefully as a result of awareness of conflict in the churches with clergy and parishioners, theological training will offer more insightful work in congregational dynamics. This is not a new problem and anyone familiar with organizations knows that there are disruptive people who are on a sliding scale from normal neurotic to borderline personalities.
ReplyDeleteOne problem that contributes to the clergy side of the equation is that many who feel the call to ministry do not like people, but rather want to change them. They are not relationship-builders but rather seek to impose their own will on others. In our national political dialogue there is discussion about the capacity of an effective leader to build relationships on an informal as well as formal level. This is a skill that CAN be taught.
Another challenge is the local congregation's attitude toward the authority of the minister. Some favor deference to the "will of the pastor," while others prefer a more egalitarian relationship of democratic decision making. In a time when many clergy come from denominations different from that of the church they serve, the potential for hurt, anger, and uproar is ubiquitous.
People come to churches for many reasons, but there is a thread of human need throughout those reasons, and sometimes the need comes from deep unresolved emotional issues. Projecting unrealistic expectations on the pastor is part of ordinary time. The skill to recognize that, address it, and attempt resolution is complex, but describing members' behavior as "evil," even though that may in fact be the case, is not a solution.
In 1970, a psychologist, minister, and national staff member of the United Church of Christ Board for Homeland Ministries, The Rev. Dr. Gerald Jud, co-authored a book, "Ex-Pastors," published by Pilgrim Press and available used from Amazon, in which he did an analysis of why clergy left the ministry (at that time described as "men"). Dr. Jud went on to run human potential workshops to help clergy become aware of their own inner process that impacted their work in the church. There were many heart-breaking stories from clergy about what they experienced in ministry. The context was both gentle and tough-minded, sacramental in confession and reconciliation, neither accusatory nor cynical.
Clinical Pastoral Education provides insight and tools for coping to clergy and others who work with people. It IS a confrontational process, and is designed for growth.
Clergy preparation for ministry is strengthened through personal psychotherapy as well as education in how organizations work. The seminaries that traditionally focus on academic curricula need to augment that with a serious curricula in practical theology that takes into account the increased widespread narcissism and borderline personality disorder in our society.
A congregation that is not Fundamentalist, but grounded in weekly reflection on Scripture to enhance the life of discipleship of both clergy and congregation, can turn the focus from self to community. To do that, the clergy need to be self-aware and self-critical, and share their own struggles with other Christians in the church.
More and more, people are avoiding the direct conflict with a pastor and dealing with it with their feet and their checkbook. For United Methodists, the issue is bishops and cabinets that do not accept that they make bad appointments and these appointments are played out in the destruction of a congregation and the well-being of the clergy. Making appointments to "change the culture of the congregation" are a recipe for disaster but we keep seeing Bishops, Superintendents and cabinets as a whole trying to make this congregational engineering work. It just doesn't.
ReplyDeleteEarlier in my UMC clergy career, I heard a well regarded pastor state that the UMC's problem was "not enough good churches to go around for the number of good clergy available". For at least the last 10 years or so the glaring message from the UMC leadership seems to be, not enough good clergy to go around for the number of good churches we have left. Of course, neither view is right, but it just goes to show how oppositional our idealistic church-clergy relationships are and always have been. Organized religion has its many faults, and as a result innocents often suffer at the very hands of people of faith. What is the answer ? I don't think any of us have a clue. What I'm sure is probably a poor paraphrase of something John Wesley once said he feared about the group (denomination) that he had started, is that it would eventually expend itself and disappear. That seems to be on the verge of really happening.
ReplyDeleteDiscussion among the Priest/Ministers/Bishops/Pastors - but not with the people of the church--There are a lot of good ones out there But -There are times when the people of the church have to stand up against the Priest(Misconduct with children) Ministers (who have affairs) it sounds like you are standing up for them and the people of the church are Betraying the Priest/Minister. Be careful - There are Reasons why some are asked to leave the Church that they are ministering.
ReplyDelete